LINCOLN, NEBRASKA—One of the side effects of moving across the world is the inability to take all your possessions with you. Most airlines limit you to the amount of luggage you can take internationally to 2 full bags, one carry-on, and one “personal item” (a purse, murse, backpack, satchel, laptop case, diaper bag, duty-free sack, or fanny-pack). Nowhere, to my knowledge, does USAir allow one to take 2 wood dressers, 1 nightstand, and 3 giant cardboard boxes of “treasure” acquired over the last two years.
This rather unfortunate detail has forced Lisa and I to make a few decisions over what items we wanted to bring with us to Taiwan. Many items we sold via Craigslist; others we gave to friends and family. But what would be the fate of some of the larger purchases that we had bought intending to keep for a significant amount of time? Luckily, my family came through and offered a spot in their storage unit in 
Kansas to store a few of our larger furniture items, provided we could find a way to get all the stuff down there. One quick phone call to Enterprise Rent-a-Car (or in our case, Enterprise Rent-a-big-wed-twuck) solved our problem.
However, the day was not without flaws and… challenges. Here’s a run-down of what the 24 26 hours of hell looked like:
June 20th, 9:30pm—After spending most of the day discussing the packing that we should be doing, Lisa and I drove up to the airport to pick up the vehicle. Lisa, being 25, has to sign for the truck. On the drive back home, Lisa calls me to inform me that “This thing is AWESOME.” Jealous, I drive the not-quite-as-interesting Honda Accord aggressively to a song by someone named Lady GaGa.
10:00pm—We officially begin packing for the next day. Recognizing the task before me, I become volatile and start shoving clothes into plastic sacks at a breakneck pace.
June 21, 1:00am—Lisa and I call a truce and decide to go to bed then and wake up at 6:00 on the dot to finish our job.
6:24am—Packing resumes; the official plan is to be rolling by 9:00am.
7:01am—I declare to Lisa that it’s pointless to even try packing everything up (being that we have to much left to do) for the 3rd time. She insists that because we have already paid for the truck, we would be driving down to Kansas come hell or high water. I am reminded why I love her.
7:23am—Finally done with the packing. Now, all we have left to do is load 78 items onto the truck bed. Lisa, not being very good at math or logic puzzles, doesn’t seem to fret that there is approximately 4 times as many things to get into and onto the vehicle than there is space for. Again, she insists it will be no problem. Moving to the truck begins.
7:24am—First beads of sweat begin to roll down my back and nest on my booty. It’s going to be a long day.
7:27am—Colossal-sized dresser loaded onto truck in the lying down position.
7:36am—Nightstand and smaller dresser loaded onto truck in the lying position. It is now we realize that if everything is to fit onto the truck, it can’t be lyng down. The emergency plan is to stand up all items nearest to the cab and fill up the bed with as many things as possible to prevent the furniture from falling over. Foolproof.
7:40am—I remember a quote: “Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently-talented fool.” Uh oh.
7:53am—Boxes upon boxes are stood up behind the dressers. I declare that there is no more possible space in the truck bed to fit even an envelope. Moving continues to the back seat of the cab.
8:14am—Mostly finished, I inform Lisa of my nervousness about the grey clouds hovering above us. Lisa argues that it will not rain (“How do you know that?” “It’s just not gonna!”). We compromise by agreeing to get a tarp and bungee cords for me; Lisa will get a grande Frappucino. Everyone is happy.
8:36am—Travels commence. First stop is Lincoln’s Super Target.
8:40am—We reach our target (wah wah). Acquiring the tarp and bungee cords proves to be easier for us than the brewing of our beverages by our talented, 16-year-old barista. There should be a college degree requirement for these employees. Perhaps unemployed English majors should be drafted into the $5 coffee beverage army.
8:52am—John Madden stops by to describe my complete dominance over the 8’x6’ plastic tarp and $15 bungee cord set: “You see what he did there, he pulled the tarp out and just covered the heck out of that bed. I mean, you think it’s gonna ride up or something, maybe fly off the bed, and BOOM, there he is, bungee cord. I’m looking at this kid, thinking, hey, he’s like the young Brett Farve of the truck/plastic-covering industry. Pat, pass me some more of that tur-duck-en…”
8:57am—Everything’s strapped down and ready to roll. Liftoff in 5, 4, 3…
8:58am—I look out the driver’s side mirror to see the tarp catching in the wind like a hot air balloon. One of the bungees has even partially ripped in half. So much for the “We can protect this stuff against the wind, rain and bug splatters” effort. Off with the tarp, but some bungees can stay on to secure the precious cargo.
9:01am—Everything secured again. Take 2.
9:04am—Lisa’s eyes don’t leave the dresser in the back. She expresses her nervousness about how the dresser is learning a wee bit backwards, collapsing the cardboard box of clothes behind it. On my rearview mirror evaluation, it can’t possibly be leaning back more than 5°.
9:05am— Ok, maybe 10°.
9:06am—30°.
9:06:30am—45°. Ok, Lisa, we’ll find a spot to pull over. However, there’s not really anywhere to do any kind of extensive rearranging, so we have to hop off Highway 77 to some abandoned parking lot.
9:12am—4 or 5 boxes are pulled out of the truck so the big dresser can lie down. All is good, except now we have to get all that stuff back in. Lisa, a master packer, get all but one colossal cardboard box back in the truck bed. She shoves it into a far-too-small spot and slams the tailgate closed. It responds by popping off its hinge.
9:31am—Lisa tinkers with the tailgate, trying to figure out how to just snap it back into its place. I still haven’t moved since Lisa broke the truck.
9:33am—I finally get my bearings and help her try to jam the piece back into its (now-broken) hinge. Running through my mind is not how we’re g
oing to get all this stuff to Kansas, but how we’d even be able to get it back the 10 miles to Lincoln without a tailgate.
9:37am—A lot of really angry grunting.
9:40am—We finally get it set just right so we can close the back. Finally loaded up, we get back on the road. Lisa sits in the passenger’s seat and giggles.
9:53am—I end my angry speaking-strike against Lisa.
9:54am—She’s cute, so I guess I have to forgive her. Danget. At least now we’re going to safely make it home.
12:13pm—My last drive from Lincoln to Junction City comes to a close. The only casualty is my sanity.
12:32pm—My parents lead us to their storage facility, where we unload all of our loot. All is safe. Now off to Manhattan for some food and shopping.
6:13pm—Leave for the return trip to Lincoln. At some point on this drive, I realize that my throat is getting sore. By the time we hit Nebraska, I’ve almost completely lost my voice.
9:47pm—We return the truck to Enterprise Car Rental with just minutes to spare. Whew. With everything safe and secure, we drive home to get some decent rest after an exhausting day.
5 days ago
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2 comments:
Was Lisa's indomitable optimism the hero or the villain of this story?
I say the hero! I think Chris extracted his angry emotions from the broken tailgate section of the story that he wrote. I don't remember him being that "matter of fact"!!! Lol.
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